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About Literature / Hobbyist Chris22/Male/United States Group :iconshadowpoetry: ShadowPoetry
For the darker side of poetry
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Mature content
Insane :icontheshadowgrove:theShadowGrove 1 0
Literature
stop hitting Skip and delete me from your iPod
You said I was like a song,
That I got old
And you got bored of me.
You never considered that unlike a song
I had feelings
I knew I wasn't being listened to,
That I was being skipped so you could play your new songs.
I didn't realize how selfish you were,
How easy it was to say you still loved me and always would,
That I wouldn't lose you
When I already had.
I had no idea what kind of person you were,
Love blinded me.
After all this time and how much I've tried to move on,
Love still binds me to you,
Like notes inked on staves.
:icontheShadowGrove:theShadowGrove
:icontheshadowgrove:theShadowGrove 0 0
Literature
Wish
I wish we were still friends
I wish we hadn't fallen in love
I wish we could still fangirl about our favorite bands
i wish we could shop for dream houses and the dream cars in their garages
I wish we could talk about nothing for months on end like we used to, just talk all night until we fall asleep, then pick up where we left off in the morning
I wish nothing had changed between us, or around us
I wish we could have just spent eternity together in your room, playing guitar and just being.
I wish I could hold you, not as your boyfriend but just as your friend
I wish I could put my head on your shoulder and be happy knowing I was with the only person who's ever known me so well
:icontheShadowGrove:theShadowGrove
:icontheshadowgrove:theShadowGrove 3 2
Literature
Pretend
I need help
I think it all the time but what's the point
if it'll always remain a thought?
it won't get me to open my eyes,
to get out of bed and find a shrink.
I say I need it but I don't really care,
or maybe I don't want it,
maybe I’d rather lay here, slowly forgetting the difference between what's real and what's not:
wrapping myself in the blankets until I believe that they're your arms around me,
clenching my hand until I believe I'm holding yours,
going through life pretending until I believe it's real,
going through life as if you still loved me
:icontheShadowGrove:theShadowGrove
:icontheshadowgrove:theShadowGrove 1 0
Literature
Give and Take
I hate my parents
you gave me life and blame all your problems on me
“if you hadn't been born…”
it's not my fault, I didn't ask for it;
your recklessness gave me life,
your stupidity made you think you got a perfect little servant.
you fed me and gave me clothes,
but saved the receipts so I could pay you back with interest when I got old enough to work.
you watched me grow and kept the bar higher than I could ever reach;
at some point you convinced yourself that it was love,
and when you found out I wasn’t perfect, you decided that I hated you, that I was the one with the problem, and you hated me in return.
Teachers ask their students what they want to be when they grow up, I just didn't want to be a disappointment.
I was so tired of getting yelled at when I wake up, getting yelled at on the phone all day, getting yelled at when you got home.
constantly being your punching bag, constantly paying the price whenever anything else upsets you.
how fucked up can you
:icontheShadowGrove:theShadowGrove
:icontheshadowgrove:theShadowGrove 0 0
Literature
loving you is like loving a rock
I could write words for miles,
write until they get to you
but you'd never see them.
I could light them on fire
but you'd never see their light.
I could wrap you in them the way
I enveloped you in my love
but you'd never feel them.
There's so much I could say but you'd never listen.
There's so much I had felt but you never felt it too.
I feel it still.
Words and feelings,
Thoughts and actions,
All of these are empty to you
--and you think everything is empty like you.
:icontheShadowGrove:theShadowGrove
:icontheshadowgrove:theShadowGrove 1 0
Mature content
Crappy luck :icontheshadowgrove:theShadowGrove 3 0
Literature
Grey
As the moments without you
Went from lasting minutes to lasing years,
I began to lose sight of everything.
Did I love you, hate you, feel anything or everything for you,
Or simply for the idea of you?
Did I ever know you at all?
You knew me, I'm sure of that, and maybe that makes it worse;
Because after a 1000 days of everything being the same
I don't know who I am anymore.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do or how I fit into the complex mechanics of life.
The only place I ever thought I fit was by your side,
And now it's a bit too crowded there.
I can't say I blame you, not entirely anyway, perhaps I share the blame,
Perhaps we should blame the universe for making it all so impossible.
What I know is that I think about you far too often for someone who hasn't talked to you in years.
And usually my thoughts carry me to places that I'd rather not be;
But they do that because I still love you.
And sometimes something will remind me of a happy moment between us, and as if in a dream,
We
:icontheShadowGrove:theShadowGrove
:icontheshadowgrove:theShadowGrove 3 0
Literature
Stay Away/Am I Evil? (Anniversary)
Stay away from me
Because I can't stay away from you.
I don't want to hurt you,
But I know it'd be inevitable.
I'm broken,
I'm a monster,
I'm not the boy you knew
Nor the man you fell in love with,
I'm something else.
I hide in the shadows,
Because I feel safer with demons
Than in the light where you can see me.
It's not that I want to be alone, or afraid;
I can't let you love me because
I don't want to disappoint you, hurt you,
It's because I love you.
So don't come, no matter what,
Stay away.
Even if you see the demons closing in,
Stay away.
I just have to show them what I am, a monster like them.
You can't save me, not anymore;
You would no longer recognize me if you tried.
I don't even recognize myself,
I don't think I can say I'm still a good person,
So I don't know what that makes me.
Am I evil?
:icontheShadowGrove:theShadowGrove
:icontheshadowgrove:theShadowGrove 3 2
Literature
Let Go
Seasons change
And the object of my affection changes even quicker.
I'm restless and wondering,
Getting drunk off cheap booze at the local bars,
Lying in whatever bed I'm invited into
But never being able to sleep
Because when I sleep I dream of you
And at least awake I have a chance of thinking about something else for a while.
Pool is my new favorite sport,
Because I suck when I play sober
And it's an excuse to get a few drinks.
No one knows the real reason why,
No on knows about you.
I don't talk about it,
I think because they'd want to help, and I don't want help.
I don't want to truly forget you because I still love you and it'll be like losing you again.
I try so many things to keep you off my mind because thinking too much about you becomes painful
Yet, I'm not ready to fully let go.
:icontheShadowGrove:theShadowGrove
:icontheshadowgrove:theShadowGrove 1 0
Literature
Cold
I am relentless in the way that I love you.
My heart is a ruthless monster.
Time passes and stands still.
Everything has changed, everything around me
Yet I am the same.
You know everything about me and I don't know you at all.
I feel the distance both in time and space between us
More profoundly than I can explain,
Yet somehow it doesn't seem to matter.
I wish I knew what to do;
I know we want different things and no amount of me bending over backwards can make it work.
Yet, I still love you.
Years have passed and everything's changed;
I'm frozen in place.
:icontheShadowGrove:theShadowGrove
:icontheshadowgrove:theShadowGrove 0 0
Literature
Waiting for a Friend
The depression's coming back again.
I'm tempted to pick up the phone and text you,
But I can't keep doing that to you.
All you'd say, all you really can say at this point, is
"I'm sorry, hope you feel better soon."
I get it, I wouldn't know what to say either anymore;
We've gone over the logical steps countless times,
You've drilled every encouraging, positive fact into my memory...
It's just a matter of me believing it now, but even that's not that easy.
I keep losing this fight:
I used to try to win, but I don't have it in me anymore, I just let it win.
The facts of how good my life is don't seem to matter,
Nor the explanation that all of this is caused by a chemical imbalance in my brain.
None of it changes how I feel and why.
I want to text you, but everything's already been said.
:icontheShadowGrove:theShadowGrove
:icontheshadowgrove:theShadowGrove 1 0
Literature
Why
I'm always sitting here asking why
All this shit happened that forced me to say bye
"I love you
I need you"
Was that all just a lie?
The future we were building
Was that just lie?
I would have died for you
Done anything for you,
I DID die for you
Or rather because of you:
Since you left I've been dead inside,
Hollow and empty
Both in heart and in mind.
I poured out my soul to you
And you left it in the cold, bruised
And beaten and scared and alone
I'm scared in my own home
Scared of you
Or my thoughts of you
Scared of what those thoughts might cause me to do.
Afraid to trust anyone
To love anyone
To get close to anyone...
You broke my heart in a way that I don't know how to fix.
It's not like you dumped me, you got so twisted that I had to dump you.
You were tearing me apart in ways I would've never imagined
And after everything
All your bullshit and all this time
I still love you
And I'm still sitting here wondering why
:icontheShadowGrove:theShadowGrove
:icontheshadowgrove:theShadowGrove 1 0
Literature
Beyond Light and Sound
I thought you were distant,
But maybe it's me.
I feel like a veil has been dropped around me,
A shadow that separates me from the world.
You're distant,
               if I traveled at the speed of light I'd never reach you
                                                   But only because that's how far off I am
Your words are indiscernible echos now,
                                       they sound like an alien melody
                                                  in my insanity I give them a beat.
I feel like I was buried alive
And my memories and thoughts are bouncing off the walls around
:icontheShadowGrove:theShadowGrove
:icontheshadowgrove:theShadowGrove 1 2
Mature content
Whiplash :icontheshadowgrove:theShadowGrove 0 0
Mature content
An Attempt At Relief :icontheshadowgrove:theShadowGrove 0 0
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give me any photo, and i'll make it look fancy! note me with any details or specifications you may have
Poetry Commisions
blank verse poems

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You drive me insane.
Years pass and I'm still doing the same thing, hoping to move on,
Knowing it won't work, and yet here I am.
How long can I keep this going?
I guess until something happens and I decide to kill myself again.
Maybe I'll go through with it, finally,
Death seems to be the only way out now, maybe it's always been.
That moment when you realize Beethoven's Sonata 14 in C# minor is the soundtrack to your life
  • Listening to: person groaning in the library, Zombie?
  • Eating: I was hungry but not anymore
so I obviously haven't been on much, mostly because, as you know, it's still kinda a trigger for me. not only that but all this has ever really been is me venting with poems and publishing them and just by chance getting lots of ppl faving them, watching me, etc. that said, I don't crave that dA fame like I used to and I can vent just fine using google docs on my phone. I just did a bit of a submissions dump, just the finished stuff. as for the unfinished stuff, I thought I'd go back to it later...then again the finished stuff had been sitting there for months so I asked myself
if not now, when?
it's the question of my life rn. my depression is mostly gone but I still have that perpetual indecisiveness and I put everything off and I mean EVERYTHING. so when am I gonna do all the things I need and want to do? I honestly have no clue. I can think up a time frame for doing stuff but when the time comes I just don't feel like it. some ppl say make a calendar, but I'll just put off making it. lists help but there's still no time frame. anyway, my life's still a mess. less depressing, but still a mess.
You said I was like a song,
That I got old
And you got bored of me.
You never considered that unlike a song
I had feelings
I knew I wasn't being listened to,
That I was being skipped so you could play your new songs.
I didn't realize how selfish you were,
How easy it was to say you still loved me and always would,
That I wouldn't lose you
When I already had.
I had no idea what kind of person you were,
Love blinded me.
After all this time and how much I've tried to move on,
Love still binds me to you,
Like notes inked on staves.
I wish we were still friends
I wish we hadn't fallen in love
I wish we could still fangirl about our favorite bands
i wish we could shop for dream houses and the dream cars in their garages
I wish we could talk about nothing for months on end like we used to, just talk all night until we fall asleep, then pick up where we left off in the morning
I wish nothing had changed between us, or around us
I wish we could have just spent eternity together in your room, playing guitar and just being.
I wish I could hold you, not as your boyfriend but just as your friend
I wish I could put my head on your shoulder and be happy knowing I was with the only person who's ever known me so well

deviantID

theShadowGrove's Profile Picture
theShadowGrove
Chris
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Myers Briggs Type Indicator: INTP about 1% of the population!
Enneagram type 3 (it's changed a few times somehow, it was 3 first, than 5, then 6) (and it also said I was mentally unstable...)
Color Code: Blue
Sagittarius
Year of the Dog
Hopeless Romantic
Languages: English and Spanish: fluent
French, Portuguese, Italian, and German: beginner
Very Competitive

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______'$$$$O$____$$____$$___$$ ____o$$$
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Concerts (of major bands) I've been to (in chronological order):
HONDA CIVIC tour [@ universal amphitheater]: mxpx, good Charlotte, new found glory
GREEN DAY (american idiot tour)[@ the home depot center]: Jimmy eat world, Green day
THE CULT (promo/reunion tour before born into this)[@ the grove of Anaheim]: the cult
DEPECHE MODE (tour of the universe) [@ Hollywood bowl]: peter, bjorn and john, depeche mode
KALIMBA [@ Fair of Duango]
DAVID GARRETT (us debut)[@ the el rey]: David Garrett
THE BANGLES (special one time deal)[@ my school!!!]: misc. local indie bands, the bangles
DAVID GARRETT (us debut...again)[@ the grove of Anaheim]: David Garrett
30 SECONDS TO MARS (into the wild)[@ the Greek]: street drum corps, neon trees, shiny toy guns, 30stm
MUSE(the resistance tour)[@ staples center]: passion pit, muse
DAVID GARRETT (rock symphonies tour)[@ the Wilshire ebell]: David Garrett
30 SECONDS TO MARS (closer to the edge)[@ Gibson amphitheater]: Frontline brigade, 30stm
PRINCE (welcome 2 america [?] tour)[@ the forum]: chaka khan, sheila e, prince (with opening acts again and other misc. artists)
ECHO AND THE BUNNYMEN[@ club Nokia]: misc. indie bands, echo and the bunnymen
DURAN DURAN (all you need is now)[@ Nokia theater]: neon trees, Duran Duran
THE CURE (reflections)[@ Pantages theater]: the cure
DAVID GARRETT(rock symphonies II)[@ club nokia]: David Garrett
SHINY TOY GUNS (promo)[@ Santa Anita race track]: Omar khan and other misc. KROQ DJs, Shiny Toy Guns
REVENTON2012[@ staples center]: Julietta Venegas, Kinky, Mikel Erentxun, Beto Cuevas, Moderatto, Cafe Tacuba, Hombres G, Los Enanitos Verdes
LINDSEY STIRLING (lindsey stirling)[@ the Roxy]: George Sarah and string ensemble, Von Grey, The Vibrant Sound, Lindsey Stirling
MUSE (The 2nd Law)[@ staples center]: band of skulls, Muse
SOUND CITY PLAYERS[Jimmy Kimmel Live]: Dave Grohl, Taylor Hawkins, Cheap Trick, John Fogerty, Bruce Springsteen, Lee Ving
LINDSEY STIRLING(Lindsey Stirling)[@ The Fonda]: The Vibrant Sound, Lindsey Stirling
30 SECONDS TO MARS(Love, Lust, Faith+Dreams)[@ first Unitarian universalist church of Los Angeles]: 30stm
PLACIDO DOMINGO(Zarzuela and Latin American music)[@ the Dorthy Cahndler] Placido Domingo with a bunch of opera singers I don't feel like looking up (but they were amazing don't get me wrong) and Pepe Aguilar
REVENTON 2013 [@ STAPLES CENTER] Los Amantes de Lola, Jorge Gonzalez, Miguel Mateos, Zoé, Nek, Los Angeles Azules, Molotov, Hombres G, El Tri
THE CULT(Electrc '13)[@ The Wiltern]: The Cult
DEPECHE MODE(Delta Machine)[@ Sleep Train Amphitheatre]: Crystal Castles, Depeche Mode
PAUL MCCARTNEY(New)[Hollywood Blvd for Jimmy Kimmel Live]: Paul McCartney
DEPECHE MODE(Delta Machine)[@ Staples Center]: Crystal Castles, Depeche Mode
THIRTY SECONDS TO MARS(Love Lust Faith+Dreams)[@ The Hollywood Bowl]: New Politics, Panic! at the Disco, 30stm
MOTLEY CRUE(Farewell tour)[@ Hollywood Bowl]: Alic Cooper, Motley Crue
PAUL MCCARTNEY (New)[@ Dodger Stadium]: Paul McCartney
SOUNDGARDEN and NINE INCH NAILS (King Animal and Hesitation Marks)[@ Verizon Ampitheather]: SoundGarden, Nine Inch Nails
U2 (Innocence and Experience tour)[@ the Forum]: U2
DEAD SARA (Pleasure to Meet You)[@ the Glass House]: Dekades, Lost in Society, Dead Sara
LINDSEY STIRLING (Shatter Me)[@ the Greek]: Olivia Somerlyn, Lights, Lindsey Stirling
DURAN DURAN (Paper Gods)[@ the Hollywood Bowl]:Clean Bandit, Chic with Nile Rodgers, Duran Duran
DEAD SARA (Pleasure to Meet You)[@ Bloomingdale's]: Dead Sara
THE CULT [@ the Palladium]: Primal Scream, The Cult
THE CURE [@ the Hollywood Bowl]: The Twilight Sad, The Cure
BLONDIE [@ LA county Fair]: Blondie
NENA [@ the Regent]: Rebel and a Basketcase, ADAMEVA, Nena
KROQ'S ALMOST ACOUSTIC CHRISTMAS [@ the Forum]: The Head and the Heart, Bishop Briggs, Phantogram, Andrew McMahon and the Wilderness, Bastille, Weezer, Beck, Green Day
METALLICA (World Wired Tour)[@ the Rose Bowl]: Gojira, Metallica
GREEN DAY (Revolution Radio)[@ Rose Bowl]: Green Day



OTHER BIG MUSICAL STUFFS I'VE BEEN TO (school musicals not counted):
THE SUMMIT (this is war album)[@ the avalon (formerly the palace)]: recorded background vocals and drums for the album
THIS IS WAR ALBUM PREVIEW+first view of "the ride" (kings and queens music video)+Q&A [@ the monteblanc]
30STM ACOUSTIC PERFORMANCE+ALBUM SIGNING[@ the hive]
SIMONE BOCANEGRA (opera)[@ the Dorthy Chandler]
AMERICAN IDIOT MUSICAL [@ Ahmanson theater]
BILLY ELLIOTT [@ the pantages]
FILMING OF CALIFORNICATION SEASON FINALE [@ the greek] Misc opening band made up of crew members doing a soundcheck, Tim Minchin, Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols Atticus Fetch (the character Tim Minchin plays) Marilyn Manson!!! Atticus Fetch again (it's called the two headed monster tour on the show, Fetch and Manson) and comedian Shane Mauss came on every once in a while too
THE ADDAMS FAMILY [@ Segerstrom Center for the Arts]
METALLICA: THROUGH THE NEVER [@ TLC Chinese Theater]
CARMEN [@ the Dorothy Chandler]
LA TRAVIATA [@ the Dorothy Chandler]
THE BARBER OF SEVILLE [@ the Dorothy Chandler]
GIANNI SCHICCHI/PAGLIACI [@ the Dorothy Chandler]
MACBETH [@ the Dorothy Chandler]
THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS [@ the hollywood bowl]
LA BOHEME [@ the Dorothy Chandler]
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Interests
  • Listening to: person groaning in the library, Zombie?
  • Eating: I was hungry but not anymore
so I obviously haven't been on much, mostly because, as you know, it's still kinda a trigger for me. not only that but all this has ever really been is me venting with poems and publishing them and just by chance getting lots of ppl faving them, watching me, etc. that said, I don't crave that dA fame like I used to and I can vent just fine using google docs on my phone. I just did a bit of a submissions dump, just the finished stuff. as for the unfinished stuff, I thought I'd go back to it later...then again the finished stuff had been sitting there for months so I asked myself
if not now, when?
it's the question of my life rn. my depression is mostly gone but I still have that perpetual indecisiveness and I put everything off and I mean EVERYTHING. so when am I gonna do all the things I need and want to do? I honestly have no clue. I can think up a time frame for doing stuff but when the time comes I just don't feel like it. some ppl say make a calendar, but I'll just put off making it. lists help but there's still no time frame. anyway, my life's still a mess. less depressing, but still a mess.

Journal History

Comments


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:iconsventine:
Sventine Featured By Owner May 6, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for faving Pain :)
Reply
:icontheshadowgrove:
theShadowGrove Featured By Owner May 9, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
de nada! me encanto! es el fondo de pantalla de mi telefono
Reply
:iconadananian:
Adananian Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank ya fur da :llama:
Reply
:iconjtcphoenix:
JTCPhoenix Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the favorite. I really appreciate it. I hope you'll take the time to check out some of my other pieces and if you like them consider giving me a watch. I'll be sure to return the favor! Thanks again.
Reply
:iconelextrified:
elextrified Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Hi Chris! Thanks so much for the fave on Extinguished Love! Your support is extremely appreciated :heart: :happybounce: 
Reply
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