What's Meant To Be

Built up and torn down.
Some days I miss you, others I barely remember you.
Sometimes I hate you, but usually I find a way to somehow still love you,
Only it's different now.
I don't love you with that same passion
I wouldn't die for you, or do anything for you,
Maybe that's just my sense of self worth telling me I shouldn't
But whether I in fact would, well, that's a different story.
I wonder if this was meant to be or completely off course.
I've made peace with the idea of never seeing you,
Never speaking to you,
Never holding you,
Never being able to call you mine;
And yet at times I catch myself daydreaming just the opposite.
I don't get depressed, I don't get upset,
I just wake up from that daze, lightly scolding myself, but not really,
Not like I used to.
Honestly I'm over you,
And it's funny that I always say that before I break down missing you;
But this time I do see a light at the end of the tunnel, I really feel like I can heal and move on;
Yet, sometimes I'm so close to reaching out to you, without even knowing what to say.
I'm still hurt, healing, but I can't help wondering if part of me is
Damaged beyond repair,
And if so, should I be mad at you?
No, of course not; but the idea crosses my mind.
Should I feel sad, or would I just be feeling sorry for myself?
How do you feel?
I wonder what you would do if I did reach out to you;
I've known you for so long and lately it seems I don't know you at all.
I don't know if things are going the way they're supposed to be.
If one's life is planned out, then
Is this the way it's meant to be, or are we completely off course.