literature

Let Go

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Literature Text

Seasons change
And the object of my affection changes even quicker.
I'm restless and wondering,
Getting drunk off cheap booze at the local bars,
Lying in whatever bed I'm invited into
But never being able to sleep
Because when I sleep I dream of you
And at least awake I have a chance of thinking about something else for a while.
Pool is my new favorite sport,
Because I suck when I play sober
And it's an excuse to get a few drinks.
No one knows the real reason why,
No on knows about you.
I don't talk about it,
I think because they'd want to help, and I don't want help.
I don't want to truly forget you because I still love you and it'll be like losing you again.
I try so many things to keep you off my mind because thinking too much about you becomes painful
Yet, I'm not ready to fully let go.
idk, maybe I'm still hoping she'll reach out to me and somehow convince me that everything's changed (again) and that she wants to be with me, and if that happens I want to remember, not the way you remember smthg you read, but the way you remember smthg so vividly it's like you're reliving it. I want to remember all the good times and push myself to go back to her. and maybe I also want to remember all the bad times (that's probably the subconscious reason why I write about it so much), so that I can decide not to take her back. It sucks, I love her, I know I shouldn't be with her, that I can't trust her, that it wouldn't be good for me all based on experience and yet I don't really care, because every night for the past 2 years I've just wished that I was next to her, and I've woken up every morning somehow disappointed that I didn't wake up next to her and that all this wasn't some vivid nightmare
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