I'm sorry

Maybe it's a little late,
Maybe I'm years behind.
You say you do stupid things
But between the two of us,
I did the stupidest.
I don't know how it even happened,
I guess I was just that depressed
I was so emotionally checked out that I didn't realize
What I had.
I told you "I love you" the moment I thought I felt it,
But that's not when I felt it.
I loved you the whole time,
I just never saw it until I looked back now.
All those poems, all those times I wished to be with some other girl,
With anyone
who could love me as much as I love them,
I didn't realize that the only girl I really wanted was you
And that you already loved me back.
I promised you that I would never let you go,
And as true as that is now, I don't think I meant it when I said it:
I know myself to well,
I know I said that just to say it and it didn't have any meaning behind it;
You're so far away, what did it matter?
And yet I look at what I wrote back then, and all I can think of is how so much of that Was meant for you, and how I really only loved you for a lot longer than I realized.
And I read what you wrote back then, and how so much of it was to me,
You even told me that!
And yet it didn't click.
I didn't believe that I loved you,
Someone I had only met online;
And if I did, I thought I was only asking to get heartbroken again,
How could it work between us, being so far?

I guess I forgot how good a writer you are,
I read that now and your pain is practically tangible through the words.
And I realized I caused it and I'm so sorry.
You are the only person, and you've been since I first met you, that has made me so
Happy.
And look how I repayed you.
I'd say you deserve better, because you don't deserve what I did;
You don't deserve to love someone, and have them only pay attention
When they feel like it.
But I won't.
I won't say it because I don't want to lose you.
I won't say it because I wake up every morning wishing I was with you.
I won't say it because all I can think of is getting online to talk to you
(Even if it's the middle of the night and I should really be asleep).
I won't say it because I love you.
I promise you, I will be with you every moment of every day for the rest of my life.
I will hold you as long as you want me to, and if you want,
I will NEVER let go.

I'm just so sorry you've had to wait so long.